IlliniHQ 2
General Category => The Deuce => Topic started by: Jobu on April 25, 2022, 03:44:48 PM
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I'm at the usual 1-2x per week. Not bad for pushing 50.
Custard? Anything you would like to share? Pics would be preferred so Tempo can get mad about it. Thanks in advance.
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31 year old real estate broker with fake tits. Squirter. Kinda dumb. But fun.
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Ok! Sounds good.
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(https://i.ibb.co/gS9jJKs/D2-E423-C5-B202-4929-AD98-CC77-B4-DE5-FBB.jpg) (https://ibb.co/3pdrcZt)
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Damn. I got some just now, and I got super light headed. Like almost passed out.
Guys. Am I getting to old for this?
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Damn. I got some just now, and I got super light headed. Like almost passed out.
Guys. Am I getting to old for this?
Maybe you can wear an oxygen tank when doing it.
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Damn. I got some just now, and I got super light headed. Like almost passed out.
Guys. Am I getting to old for this?
Try a different position. One more suitable for someone your age.
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Try a different position. One more suitable for someone your age.
Good point, thanks. Next time maybe I’ll just stay on bottom the whole time.
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Make sure you rest for a bit. Getting up too soon requires more blood than what's available. Hence the dizziness.
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The real estate broker had been on vacation for a couple weeks but sent the booty call in last night upon return. I got there and she wanted to cuddle and watch a movie. Took about 10 mins of this before we were naked.
(https://i.ibb.co/LxrT70V/278-C66-F2-472-A-4-E2-D-89-A7-AFDE2-FA08917.jpg) (https://ibb.co/qNCHQDT)
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Took one for the team and just fisted Danny DeVito so we could have a shot at winning tomorrow. Hope it pays off!
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Took one for the team and just fisted Danny DeVito so we could have a shot at winning tomorrow. Hope it pays off!
Thanks for taking one for the team.
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I'm planning on getting pussy today (or this evening). I've been a bit under the weather, so it's been a while, and she's getting restless. So I figure I'd better do something about it.
Judy, good luck on the fisting. My suggestion - wash your fist immediately.
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Just started dating a girl and got some pussy from her twice yesterday. Once on my lunch break (on my couch) and the other after I got off work (in her backyard on the trampoline). When we finished the second time, she whispered in my ear… we really need to do anal next time. She just might be marriage material. Buttholes are forever.
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Just started dating a girl and got some pussy from her twice yesterday. Once on my lunch break (on my couch) and the other after I got off work (in her backyard on the trampoline). When we finished the second time, she whispered in my ear… we really need to do anal next time. She just might be marriage material. Buttholes are forever.
Hmmm. Lot to unpack here. So to speak.
Lunch break. Nice. In my history of getting noon-ers, I have had trouble going back to work afterwards. Good work ethic on your part.
Backyard on the trampoline. Broad daylight, or after dark? Either way is awesome.
As far as the anal thing. It's cool I guess, but I've always thought, why go for the butthole, when the pussy is available? Plus I'm fixed, so I'm leaving it in no matter what.
With that being said, having a girl that wants and desires anal is freaking sweet. Sounds like she may also have a bit of the crazy. The crazy ones are the absolute best fuckers, so there ya go. Enjoy the ride!
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Hmmm. Lot to unpack here. So to speak.
Lunch break. Nice. In my history of getting noon-ers, I have had trouble going back to work afterwards. Good work ethic on your part.
Backyard on the trampoline. Broad daylight, or after dark? Either way is awesome.
As far as the anal thing. It's cool I guess, but I've always thought, why go for the butthole, when the pussy is available? Plus I'm fixed, so I'm leaving it in no matter what.
With that being said, having a girl that wants and desires anal is freaking sweet. Sounds like she may also have a bit of the crazy. The crazy ones are the absolute best fuckers, so there ya go. Enjoy the ride!
After dark on the trampoline. It was pretty cool as she’s out in the country and all the stars in the sky on a perfect night temp wise and clear sky. Had the background music playing and the glow of tea lights strung up around us. It was pretty nice.
She seems to have a wild/crazy/freak side to her which is definitely cool. She’s a big boss at her company and really has her shit together financially and life-wise it appears, so that’s even more of a plus. Only lives about a half mile from me, so walking or biking there is very convenient.
I’m fixed as well and it isn’t coming out in either hole either. It’s very nice and convenient. She seems to be a lot of fun!
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After dark on the trampoline. It was pretty cool as she’s out in the country and all the stars in the sky on a perfect night temp wise and clear sky. Had the background music playing and the glow of tea lights strung up around us. It was pretty nice.
She seems to have a wild/crazy/freak side to her which is definitely cool. She’s a big boss at her company and really has her shit together financially and life-wise it appears, so that’s even more of a plus. Only lives about a half mile from me, so walking or biking there is very convenient.
I’m fixed as well and it isn’t coming out in either hole either. It’s very nice and convenient. She seems to be a lot of fun!
Sounds awesome, man! Congrats. Hope it works out.
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I'd leave the biking out of it, if I were you. Might be a turn off.
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I'd leave the biking out of it, if I were you. Might be a turn off.
He needs a tricked out golf cart.
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Thought I would bump this one.
Pussy tonight confirmed. Actually looking forward to it.
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When I was young, I turned down more than most guys got.
Back then, when I relieved myself, I had to hold it down to keep from pissing in my face.
Now, I have to hold it up to keep from pissing on my shoes.
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Have you tried buying any boner pills off the Russian spammers?
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Have you tried buying any boner pills off the Russian spammers?
I’ve never had any ED or anything, but I’d kinda be interested in getting some Viagra just to have for fun occasionally. Thoughts?!
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I do get pussy about everyday. Not to brag.
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I do get pussy about everyday. Not to brag.
Your name isn't Jeff, is it?
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Your name isn't Jeff, is it?
Could have been “Judy” that Tempo scribbled out on that text.
Hmmm.
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Oh, and congrats on the pussy. I can’t imagine doing that every day anymore.
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A woman once told me that men get loose in the lip when they become limp in the hip.
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My posting of an anonymous text to disprove PAMan’s malicious lies is “proof Tempo needs help,” but posting intimate photos of your sexual conquests is “totally normal” behavior. PAMan calls Bernstein a misogynist for making a joke about “boobs.” Seems his outrage is pretty selective. Surprise, surprise. You guys are a special kind of messed up.
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posting intimate photos of your sexual conquests is “totally normal” behavior.
I must've missed those. Do you have a link?
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I must've missed those. Do you have a link?
Have you tried opening your eyes? This one is tame compared to the old one that got scrubbed, though.
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I haven’t, but if I did it’d only be for 3-5 minutes I’m sure! I’m a selfish bastard!
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I made out with a hot bartender last night
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(https://i.postimg.cc/L4B6tnLz/IMG-2117.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/14XQPRWt)
Once last night, twice this morning.
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(https://i.postimg.cc/L4B6tnLz/IMG-2117.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/14XQPRWt)
Once last night, twice this morning.
Oh look, she’s browsing the forums, fantasizing about Jobu.
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I mean, you didn’t think Tempo was actually a dude, did you?
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*Sniff’s bait* keeps moving
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Nice butt what's her number
Thought you already selected girl 1
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Dammit Jasn stop deleting shit
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Dammit Jasn stop deleting shit
Yeah, why would he delete that? Especially when it was already quoted.
Leave it up, man...
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The Ditka photo is an ironic touch.
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Yeah, why would he delete that? Especially when it was already quoted.
Leave it up, man...
No one will ever know why Jasn does the things he does
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The Ditka photo is an ironic touch.
I bought that in Galena when I was a teenager. It says “85 Bears are #1”
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Heading to the Philippines to get a wife soon… 🤷🏻♂️
https://x.com/thekeksociety/status/1725152982835003606?s=46&t=nLWTarDKWNHMqYhTVD-LQQ
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Hey. I just got some pussy. Great way to start the weekend!
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Hey. I just got some pussy. Great way to start the weekend!
It's only 5pm and you have had quite the day already.
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It's only 5pm and you have had quite the day already.
Yeah, I’m exhausted lol
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I’ve been getting a lot lately. Expecting more tonight.
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Hey, how have things been on the pussy front? I'm usually getting it around 2-3 times per week. Not bad!
I mean, we can't all be Custard.
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I got laid five times between Saturday afternoon and Sunday at 11 pm! But it had been like almost 10 days between times at one point a week or so ago when I’d been traveling heavily
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I got laid five times between Saturday afternoon and Sunday at 11 pm! But it had been like almost 10 days between times at one point a week or so ago when I’d been traveling heavily
That's what I'm talking about, folks. 5 times in a little more than 24 hours. I don't know if I could jerk off that much.
Actually, yeah, I probably could. But still...that's a lot of pussy.
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It’s not easy but someone’s gotta do it
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Might as well be you.
Just remember, if you get tired of it, let me know. I can step in.
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Nothing weird about this at all.
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Nothing weird about this at all.
Oh no. The morality police is back.
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Again, ironic.
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Have recurring sex dreams about Kat Timpf
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Hi fellows. I will be getting some pussy soon. Like within the hour. And probably at bedtime as well.
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Hi fellows. I will be getting some pussy soon. Like within the hour. And probably at bedtime as well.
I want you to think of me when you do.
(https://i.postimg.cc/3Nr1BM3Q/IMG-8565.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/KkVtGHK0)
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Got some Thursday night puss, which was nice.
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Got some Thursday night puss, which was nice.
Well done sir! Congrats.
I haven't had any for a couple weeks now, and to be honest, I'm getting a little bit grouchy about it.
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I got some Thursday afternoon puss, which will have to tide me over until after the weekend as she’s going to some baby shower bullshit in Chicago
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I got some Thursday afternoon puss, which will have to tide me over until after the weekend as she’s going to some baby shower bullshit in Chicago
Oh no. Baby shower bullshit. Guess who's getting knocked up soon.
Congrats, dad.
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If I don't get any tonight or tomorrow, I'm actually going to be kinda pissed. I've been waiting for her to initiate as the last few times, I've had to do the work. Figure it's her turn.
Not sure how much longer I can hold out.
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If I don't get any tonight or tomorrow, I'm actually going to be kinda pissed. I've been waiting for her to initiate as the last few times, I've had to do the work. Figure it's her turn.
Not sure how much longer I can hold out.
Might have to use the backup plan and make your avatar a reality.
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Oh no. Baby shower bullshit. Guess who's getting knocked up soon.
Congrats, dad.
🖕
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Might have to use the backup plan and make your avatar a reality.
Haha, that would be amazing.
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🖕
For real, tho. When she comes back and wants to fuck, like really bad and is insistent, that's a sign.
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I’ll take that under advisement. She has talked about maybe having one more but once she’s 35 the factory is closing down.
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If I don't get any tonight or tomorrow, I'm actually going to be kinda pissed. I've been waiting for her to initiate as the last few times, I've had to do the work. Figure it's her turn.
Not sure how much longer I can hold out.
Well, I had to do all the work, but that's ok. Not my best effort, but she got a solid 6.5 of of 10 weinering.
Best part was I had invited her over for dinner, she ended up doing most of the heavy lifting, then cleaned my kitchen after. Watched some football, and then boom.
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Well, I had to do all the work, but that's ok. Not my best effort, but she got a solid 6.5 of of 10 weinering.
Best part was I had invited her over for dinner, she ended up doing most of the heavy lifting, then cleaned my kitchen after. Watched some football, and then boom.
What you make/buy her for dinner? Maybe that was the key.
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Clean the house if you want to get laid.
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Chickengeorge is my hero
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Clean the house if you want to get laid.
I keep the house clean. I also do all of the laundry. Her job is to do the dishes. We have a pretty good system, actually.
I'm at the point where I have noticed that I have to initiate every single time. It would just be nice if she would do it once. I'm waiting it out. Who knows, maybe I'll never get laid again.
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Yeah, I'm kinda pissed. If you haven't noticed.
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Yeah, I'm kinda pissed. If you haven't noticed.
Hopefully she was not at Chickengeorge's place last night. You may be waiting awhile....
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Hopefully she was not at Chickengeorge's place last night. You may be waiting awhile....
I don't know. It is only about an hour and a half away...
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Well, I had to do all the work, but that's ok. Not my best effort, but she got a solid 6.5 of of 10 weinering.
Best part was I had invited her over for dinner, she ended up doing most of the heavy lifting, then cleaned my kitchen after. Watched some football, and then boom.
Wait. 6.5/10? Chicken, did you just do a cumdump? If so, that's fine. It happens.
With that being said, most of my cumdumps are at least an 8. I at least hold it long enough for her to enjoy it a little bit...
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The less kinder, gentler me really wants to contribute to this thread.
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The less kinder, gentler me really wants to contribute to this thread.
Please do. I think all of us can benefit from each other's experiences.
Basically, this is a safe space Tempo.
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Nah, I was just going to make a mean spirited joke. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf here. It’s a Kinder, Gentler Me.
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Nah, I was just going to make a mean spirited joke. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf here. It’s a Kinder, Gentler Me.
Ok. Well, hey, if you change your mind, that's cool. Like I said, it's a safe space.
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I mean, we all know you're getting the last laugh on this, because it's well known that Uber drivers get tons of pussy. I've seen the videos.
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Kewl.
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It's on Pornhub dude. I don't know. Again, not trying to be mean to you. Not sure why you're acting all offended.
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Tempo, why are you being such a fucking bitch today? Seriously. You're kinda pissing me off.
It's Friday. You're harshing my fucking mellow. Stop being a little bitch.
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Wait. 6.5/10? Chicken, did you just do a cumdump? If so, that's fine. It happens.
With that being said, most of my cumdumps are at least an 8. I at least hold it long enough for her to enjoy it a little bit...
I took care of her first. Jesus, I'm not an animal.
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I took care of her first. Jesus, I'm not an animal.
Whew. Ok, that's good.
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Uhhhh, yeah sure…
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Fuck off, Tempo. Seriously. I don't know who's worse you or Spark.
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Fucking victim
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Clearly, you’re trying to bait me.I haven’t been the aggressor here. It’s not going to work. Move along, I guess?
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I honestly wasn’t.
Get the fuck out of my thread, and stay out you little bitch.
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Why can't we all just get along?
There's a guy who got a really raw deal....
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Why can't we all just get along?
There's a guy who got a really raw deal....
I haven’t done a god damn thing to Tempo today. He’s totally on the defensive for no fucking reason.
He can just stay the fuck out of here for real.
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Love you, Jobu.
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Love you, Jobu.
Love you too big fella.
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Just stay the fuck out.
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This is not the thread for tempo when he’s on his rag
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This is not the thread for tempo when he’s on his rag
Explain how I started this?
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Explain how I started this?
Fuck you Tempo. You’ve been a bitchy little bitch all day. Just fuck off. Seriously.
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This is not the thread for tempo when he’s on his rag
Apparently not. Moody little bitch that he is. Cramps must be bad.
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Custard, do you have the ability to ban certain people from certain threads? Because Tempo doesn’t deserve access to this one.
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Here I am in the land of getting no pussy, and I have to fucking tolerate Dipshit34 coming in here and being a dick for no reason.
Fuck that. And fuck you Tempo.
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Literally all I said was “the old me” would have wanted to make a joke in this thread but I wouldn’t because I’m trying to be more positive and Jobu became unglued.
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Literally all I said was “the old me” would have wanted to make a joke in this thread but I wouldn’t because I’m trying to be more positive and Jobu became unglued.
No, that’s not what happened. I said something about Uber drivers getting pussy, you did your little butthurt “Kewl” thing, I told you to quit being a bitch. That’s what the fuck happened.
Get the fuck out of my thread. You’re fucking it up and pissing me off. Dick
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Yeah, it’s a major asshole move to use the word kewl.
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Can you put me on the phone with your wife? I’ll go to bat for you, because you clearly need some pussy.
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It's on Pornhub dude. I don't know. Again, not trying to be mean to you. Not sure why you're acting all offended.
Are you under the impression pornhub is real life?
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Are you under the impression pornhub is real life?
No. I was joking. Kinda like how people joke about the UPS guy or the mailman or the pizza delivery guy getting some pussy. Jesus Christ. Sorry if it fell flat to you. Actually no, I’m not sorry. Fuck off out of here, you pussy.
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No. I was joking. Kinda like how people joke about the UPS guy or the mailman or the pizza delivery guy getting some pussy. Jesus Christ. Sorry if it fell flat to you. Actually no, I’m not sorry. Fuck off out of here, you pussy.
Every other time you’ve ever mentioned Uber it was an insult. Pardon me for not getting your joke.
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Ok you’re pardoned. Now fuck off out of here. Unless you’re getting pussy. Snicker.
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Hey I got some multiple times last night
Go me
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*high five*
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I'm not sure getting action via his Stormy Daniels vagina rubber mold counts, Tempo.
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I'm not sure getting action via his Stormy Daniels vagina rubber mold counts, Tempo.
As long as he’s happy, that’s all that counts.
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So how are those new AI sex robots?
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*high five*
Thanks buddy, been a while
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Last night. It had been a couple weeks so figured better get an early start on the weekend.
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Last night. It had been a couple weeks so figured better get an early start on the weekend.
Oh, there ya go. My guess is tonight for me, or tomorrow morning. Not sure yet.
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(https://i.ibb.co/gS9jJKs/D2-E423-C5-B202-4929-AD98-CC77-B4-DE5-FBB.jpg) (https://ibb.co/3pdrcZt)
Custard, whatever happened to this one?
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Custard, whatever happened to this one?
She's recovering from bottom surgery
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She's recovering from bottom surgery
Oh. Still?
I did apologize.
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Time for a bump. How's the bush hunt, fellas?
I'm guessing the pussy doesn't want to discuss politics. If it does, well, that's not great.
So, I'm thinking I'm getting it tonight. And possibly tomorrow. We'll see.
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Spring was a bit lackluster but summer has been litty titty. Should I bring her to the tailgreat?!?!
(https://i.postimg.cc/SKnf4z8Q/77762369053-940-E37-F3-9-E10-4137-826-D-46191-EC56-C58.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/xkSzy8tB)
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Time for a bump. How's the bush hunt, fellas?
I'm guessing the pussy doesn't want to discuss politics. If it does, well, that's not great.
So, I'm thinking I'm getting it tonight. And possibly tomorrow. We'll see.
I had a July for the ages, my god man
Living the absolute best life
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I had a July for the ages, my god man
Living the absolute best life
Happy for you man!
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I had a July for the ages, my god man
Living the absolute best life
Signs of someone overcompensating after a divorce often come from trying to mask hurt, insecurity, or a sense of loss. It’s not always negative—it can be a coping strategy—but common indicators include:
1. Overly flaunting happiness or success – Constantly posting or talking about how amazing life is, especially in a way that seems forced or exaggerated.
2. Excessive dating or attention-seeking – Jumping quickly into multiple relationships, or showing off romantic partners to prove they’ve “moved on.”
3. Material displays – Sudden big purchases, flashy spending, or showing off wealth as a way to signal stability or attractiveness.
4. Overly negative or dismissive about the ex – Constantly bashing their former spouse or acting indifferent in an exaggerated way (“It didn’t bother me at all”).
5. Drastic lifestyle changes – Taking on extreme fitness regimens, new hobbies, or risky behaviors to reinvent themselves.
6. Social over-engagement – Going out constantly, overbooking social calendars, or always needing to be around people.
7. Extreme positivity or denial – Acting like everything is perfect and refusing to acknowledge any pain, anger, or grief.
It’s worth noting that some people genuinely thrive after divorce, so context matters. Overcompensation often feels performative or inconsistent with the person’s past behavior.
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Fuck, this Hal Mult of Tempo's is ruthless ..
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"It’s worth noting that some people genuinely thrive after divorce, so context matters."
They always save the best part for the last paragraph. 😂😂
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"It’s worth noting that some people genuinely thrive after divorce, so context matters."
They always save the best part for the last paragraph. 😂😂
So you're saying you thrived after your wife dumped you just like Q97, and that was great?
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Hal 9000 has been the bright spot of HQ2 this offseason. Perhaps this whole year!
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Hal 9000 has been the bright spot of HQ2 this offseason. Perhaps this whole year!
It’s such a really smart machine! Whomever built it is a genius!! 😏
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Signs of someone overcompensating after a divorce often come from trying to mask hurt, insecurity, or a sense of loss. It’s not always negative—it can be a coping strategy—but common indicators include:
1. Overly flaunting happiness or success – Constantly posting or talking about how amazing life is, especially in a way that seems forced or exaggerated.
2. Excessive dating or attention-seeking – Jumping quickly into multiple relationships, or showing off romantic partners to prove they’ve “moved on.”
3. Material displays – Sudden big purchases, flashy spending, or showing off wealth as a way to signal stability or attractiveness.
4. Overly negative or dismissive about the ex – Constantly bashing their former spouse or acting indifferent in an exaggerated way (“It didn’t bother me at all”).
5. Drastic lifestyle changes – Taking on extreme fitness regimens, new hobbies, or risky behaviors to reinvent themselves.
6. Social over-engagement – Going out constantly, overbooking social calendars, or always needing to be around people.
7. Extreme positivity or denial – Acting like everything is perfect and refusing to acknowledge any pain, anger, or grief.
It’s worth noting that some people genuinely thrive after divorce, so context matters. Overcompensation often feels performative or inconsistent with the person’s past behavior.
Oh YEAH done all that shit, and more! But its finally been the end of a messy 3 year process, and I am actually thriving for real. Thank God