IlliniHQ 2
General Category => The Deuce => Topic started by: Custard on March 30, 2021, 05:51:14 PM
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Since Tempo deleted the first one I am starting it up again.
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From the outside looking in, DePaul is *almost* incomprehensibly horrible for a major conference program in a basketball crazed major city.
One of the core of my five lifelong friends (a former papist who sent me the graphic text about Sister Jean that I posted in the Rambling game thread) was our class valedictorian and recipient of a full ride academic scholarship at DePaul. This was 1999, when they were actually relevant.
Two of the others went to ISU, I went to UI, and the fifth went to the Army. And, eventually, Iraq. Twice. We always tried to get together at one of the campuses for New Years and also around each other’s birthdays or other campus-specific events. Crazy shit always occurred.
I always had fun partying around DePaul. In fact, probably one of the wildest nights of my life happened there on NYE in 2000. There was a lot of snow on the ground and it was icy to boot. We started the night playing euchre and doing beer bongs then left for a party several blocks away at some house. I paid absolutely zero attention while we were walking there because I figured I’d be walking back with my buddies.
We got there and put our beer in the snow outside the back steps and went in. Place was packed. At some point I went back out to get a round of beers, hit the ice, and busted my ass all the way down the steps. Luckily I had enough booze and adrenaline pumping through my veins I didn’t realize I’d be sore af for at least a couple weeks after.
Eventually the countdown came and I happened to be standing by a pretty, buxom redhead. When the ball dropped and everyone was celebrating, she pulled me over and kissed me. We went upstairs into a sitting room and closed the door.
I was sitting on the end of the couch with my pants around my ankles while she was sucking me off. I was close to busting when all of a sudden the door flies open and two dudes walked in and saw us. One of them said, “What the fuck, Katie?!” and then they turned around and walked out. We then locked said door.
After we finished our business we went back downstairs. The house was almost empty and I realized my buddies had left. I can’t remember if I had a cell phone or not, but if I did I wasn’t able to get ahold of them. So I grabbed what was left of the beer and started walking the way I thought we’d came.
After walking at least 15 minutes I realized I was going the wrong way. I was able to hail a cab, but I had no idea what address or even the street to tell him. All I knew was that he lived close to the Demon Dawgs by the El, and luckily that was enough to get me there.
I don’t remember anything after getting out of the cab. The next morning I woke up on a couch in a strange apartment. No one else was there, and it was dark. I let myself out and started trying to find my way back to Tim’s place. Nothing looked familiar. Eventually I found the exit hallway, stepped out on a terrace, and recognized the courtyard where the entrance to Tim’s apartment was.
I made it to his apartment and knocked. I heard someone come to the door and pause I assume to look through the peephole. Then I heard everyone inside start laughing hysterically. I walked in and they were playing cards. They had left me because they couldn’t find me (because I was upstairs getting my cock sucked) and thought I’d gone back to Tim’s.
Tim then went over to the answering machine and played multiple hilarious messages that had been left overnight by the neighbors whose place I had crashed.
The first one was basically this drunk dude saying “hey Timmy your clown ass buddy is over here drunk af. He showed up frozen and dirty (I assume from the fall down the steps) so he’s crashing on our couch if you don’t come and get him.”
The second one was something along the lines of, “If he fucking pukes on our shit you’re better be over cleaning it up bright and early”
The third one was simply, “Hey man what’s up with you and Katie?”
After hearing that I just stood there with my mouth open (a la Bruth) thinking I got caught unknowingly fucking my buddy’s fuck buddy. Which is exactly what had happened.
So it turns out that this poor man’s Christina Hendricks was attracted to both the poor woman’s Justin Timberlake (Tim) and the very poor woman’s Nick Lachey (me). Luckily he was cool with it. Or at least acted like it.
But the point I’m trying to make is that DePaul is a good place to fall down icy stairs, get your cock sucked by horny coeds, and pass out in a stranger’s apartment. But it’s not a great place for college basketball.
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This is an awesome story. What a night. So many ups (hee hee) and downs.
When I was at UI, I went to some house party (around Springfield Ave. and maybe 6th). For some reason, I decided to leave. Just wasn't feeling it. So, I left without my buddies.
Turns out I was way drunker that I thought because I blacked out and got lost. I lived on Locust St. between Daniel and Chalmers at the time, and for some god damn reason I found myself in some neighborhood north of University. Like, pretty far north of University. And we know how sketchy things can get up there.
I got pretty fucking scared. I thought I was gonna get rolled. I got lucky, tho. Got my ass back where I belonged without incident.
You can bet your sweet ass I never did that again.
I'll save the story about meeting a girl who was pissing in the street between 2 cars for another time. She knew her way around a cock, I'll tell you what.
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You've just reminded me that the entire block of Springfield from Sixth to Fifth was single family houses.
There was a guy named Steve who had a party house on the northwest corner.
They've all been knocked down to make way for ugly apartments.
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Thats hilarious, I was drunk as hell and I got caught banging my girlfriend at the time on a pile of coats on a bed at some lame ass house (maybe a frat?) party at depaul for NYE 1999
whoops, awkward
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Yep. Went to many a house party in that area back in the day. $3.00 for a cup to drink as much Natty Light out of a keg as you could stomach.
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Haha, oh man.
"Welp, time to go. Hey, why is my coat damp? And why does it smell like jizz and pussy?"
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The next year we did New Years at DePaul again. Several of us, including my new-ish girlfriend, met up and got on the train at University Park rather than driving in. Tim had moved to a three flat that backed up to the El and we stayed there most of the night. I don’t remember much of that night other than Eric was home from the army and was there that year.
I vividly remember the next morning though. I chugged a red Gatorade before leaving Tim’s and then went to get on the train. There was a rough section of track somewhere on the way back and I started feeling sick. To my knowledge there were no restroom facilities so I motioned for her to grab our overnight bag. I still remember the look of horror on her face as she realized what was happening.
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Kam's has been demolished. It was an awful place.
The sign now sits on a new building at First & Green, but it should be a few decades before the smell finds it.
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Kam's has been demolished. It was an awful place.
The sign now sits on a new building at First & Green, but it should be a few decades before the smell finds it.
That place actually had a worse toilet than the one in trainspotting.
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Ray, you'll be happy to know that we have a possum who comes to our backyard to eat whatever leftover fats and skeletons I leave out for it.
S/he was in the garage yesterday, because I left the door open overnight. I spooned a dollop of rancid Manteca on a saucer, and placed it by the door.
The plate was clean when I returned.
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I never could believe how many people liked going to that fucking shithole.
It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries.
Kam’s is the perfect example of young people doing something stupid because 1) they’ve heard a lot about it and 2) their friends are doing it.
Just like Tik Tok.
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I spent a portion of my 21st birthday there. My buddies were in town and were like WTF is this place but of course I was like “GUYS THIS IS KAMS ITS THE BEST PLACE EVER”
They didn’t care that it was the best place to run into and hang out with guys like Arch, Damir, Brandon Lloyd, or Kurt Kittner. And since it was spring break they weren’t there anyways.
I don’t think I ever went back.
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I never could believe how many people liked going to that fucking shithole.
It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries.
I went there with a friend once because they were selling a fucking gallon milk jug of beer for like 10 bucks
made for a good afternoon, sort of... we each had one and hung out all day and watched dumb hot chicks act the way they do
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Indy just can’t replicate the Kam’s experience
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Thanks custard.
Not pussy related, but funny.
I fucking hate Kams. Always have, always will.
So, somehow, I got talked into going to this fucking shithole one night, against my better judgment. We got there kinda early, wasn’t too crowded yet, so it actually wasn’t awful, other than the smell of piss.
So, I’m a few beers deep, and it’s getting more crowded. I go to walk up to the bar, and some little pip squeak mother fucker bumps into me. I knew it was on purpose, but I still said, oh, my bad, excuse me. He bumped me again and said get out of my way mother fucker.
So, as you might guess, I see a bit of red. I’m 6’6, not small, and this douche is every bit of 5’4. I couldn’t believe what was happening. So, instead of smoking this idiot right away, my instinct told me that something might be strange here.
I just grabbed the top of his head and told him to get the fuck away from me or I would rip said head off and shit down his neck. He looked up, smiled and walked away.
Now I see. On the other side of shithole kams is large men. Football players. Talking to this little piece of shit. So I’m like, oh great, this is frat bullshit or something. I don’t need this.
So me and my friends go to leave. And of course they head us off. We’re scared shitless but I’ve had just enough where I’m like hey If I’m gonna die tonight, by god I’m going down swinging.
So this huge black dude asks me what’s up. I said I was just leaving. He asked about why I was picking on his friend. I said oh you mean that little pussy right there? You’re friends with him? Fuck off, I’m leaving.
He pushed me. I said if you want to do this, I know you’ll kick my ass, but I’m not walking away like your little bitch friend. Then I pushed him in the chest. And said let’s go mother fucker.
He smiled at me and said respect. And walked away.
I could have died that night. But at the time I was so pissed I didn’t even care.
Never went to kams again. Fucking shithole.
As I read this, my mind kept seeing Forrest Whitaker saying “Don’t fuck with it.”
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I went there with a friend once because they were selling a fucking gallon milk jug of beer for like 10 bucks
made for a good afternoon, sort of... we each had one and hung out all day and watched dumb hot chicks act the way they do
Anyone who thinks $10 is a good price for a gallon of beer is not allowed to call anyone else "dumb."
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Anyone who thinks $10 is a good price for a gallon of beer is not allowed to call anyone else "dumb."
Well you can’t put a price on the experience
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Anyone who thinks $10 is a good price for a gallon of beer is not allowed to call anyone else "dumb.
It might have been 8 or 9 dollars, or maybe even 5, or 6, whatever, still a solid price for 128 oz of beer at a bar at the turn of the century
Now that ive thought about it for a few seconds, i think it was 6 bucks, but yeah that was over 20 years ago so my memory is a little hazy
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Are you willing to fuck someone in a porta potty at a winery?
Because when you open that door when you have to piss and the dude falls backwards on his ass and the chick is sitting there, minus the cock, well, that’s really something.
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I remember going there in 2005 with 3 friends and 3 very unattractive women were brought back to an apartment in Urbana. Upper 20s townies...kinda fat, kinda had the Motley Crue hair going.
I witnessed 3 not very good men take a grenade that night I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
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I once fucked a really dark-skinned black chick in a men's room stall. With the lights turned off, I couldn't see her at all.
Wait, I take that back. It was a ladies room.
I have questions. But I need to organize my thoughts. Not sure where to begin.
I guess first. Where were you? That’s a good starting point.
Jupiter's.
I may have been on the clock.
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That place actually had a worse toilet than the one in trainspotting.
Not just the toilet. On multiple occasions, I walked into Kams bathroom and saw guys pissing into the sinks.
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I went there with a friend once because they were selling a fucking gallon milk jug of beer for like 10 bucks
made for a good afternoon, sort of... we each had one and hung out all day and watched dumb hot chicks act the way they do
I did the same. Sweet deal, they even let you keep the milk jug!
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Not just the toilet. On multiple occasions, I walked into Kams bathroom and saw guys pissing into the sinks.
I saw GWAR at the Canopy club and witnessed people pissing into sinks
good show though
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Not just the toilet. On multiple occasions, I walked into Kams bathroom and saw guys pissing into the sinks.
My wife had a friend who worked there and would let them go downstairs to where Kam's would have private events so the bathroom wasn't "as horrid".
True to form for that place, a bunch went down there but this created a "line that was too long" so a few of them just pissed in the corner anyway.
When they tore it down they probably needed a hazmat squad. I've been to some divey dumpy college bars in my day, but Kam's set a standard nobody could even reach. It seems like it had to be out of spite, I mean how much does it cost to just say "you know, let's go to Menards and get a new toilet"
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Shoulda had a trough.
As I've probably mentioned, I went into Kam's exactly once. It was in the afternoon, before patrons arrived. I just needed to get some free tailgate tickets to see live, not-at-all Kam's-ish indie bands.
I can't believe people went in there on purpose.
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Shoulda had a trough.
They did
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I enjoyed a walk to campus this morning, beginning just before dawn.
Generally, I don't dive except for those weekends when I expect to find goodies. But it's impossible to not see obvious signs of goodies.
Having spotted a shower curtain and Rubbermaid storage bin, I looked into a dumpster. I got a handle of Kirkland Ultra Clean and a matching handle of Downy, a 2019 HP laptop plus its power cord, and a bottle of Frank's Red Hot. I left the shampoos and cheap toilet paper for the next person.
Nearby, a still stapled brown paper bag of Chipotle bowl sat unmolested on the trunk of a small car. Someone had it delivered, but probably passed out before it arrived.
If you're keeping score at home, this was the block between Fourth and Third and John and Daniel. So about a block from the notorious Apartment 402.
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